Hi everyone ^^
This post will be on the idea of two lives, a previous and a current, and how to live with both in a way that is both healthy and constructive. Having a distant past is jarring to many, in fact it can be down right hard to work with. Constant streams of memories coupled with a sense of not belonging, and yet at the same time a constant desire to keep things as similar to they were before; a yearning to be what we once were and forget the current. These desires can be so strong we often forget to consider what is best for us now, in the living, what decisions we should make that would make us happy now, not just wistful for days long gone.
A New Life
As someone who deals with a past life, of the very dragony nature, I often find myself at odds with current ways of thinking. Every so often certain thought patterns creep up that make relating to the here and now odd. I could describe it almost as an alien looking in at modern society, knowing and understanding but not feeling fully connected to every detail. I still often times dream of the past, memories surging from somewhere buried in the subconscious. I even have super intense dreams, and nightmares, that keep me from sleeping often. It’s a fact I’ve learned to work with over time, and something of myself I continue to explore. But I’ll save spirituality for another topic!
Being a dragon, for me, is just having another perspective to view the world through. It used to be a barrier that prevented me from having a normal social life, always feeling I was different, or at times better, than those around me. It was hard to connect to human society but it also made me suppress a lot of what I desired in this life. It made me suppress often what would improve my state of being now, repressed to cling to the idea of entirely making myself who and what I once was instead of working with the hand I was dealt. I didn’t see it as an opportunity to start again, but a curse.
A Second Chance
Life is a great thing, as much as it can wear us down at times with all the elements of random chance and effort it takes to succeed. My previous life wasn’t much better, although a bit different. Instead of working for a paycheck it was striving to catch food. I spent a lot of my time near or in the sea… which as a sea dragon would make sense! I also spent plenty of it near the edge of a river, the junction between sea and river. It was home, to me and a few others. So as a sea dragon, the natural thing for me to do was move to the desert in this life. It served me well, but it was one of those things I always felt at home near, the call of the ocean in a sense. I ended up eventually relocating to my current residence off the coast of the Pacific. What am I saying here? Sometimes what works best for us or was home in a previous life is still strong with us now and we have to satisfy it. However, that doesn’t mean we have to live according to what and who we were. In fact, I found its quite the opposite.
While my desire for the ocean and taste of fish hasn’t diminished, I’ve learned other aspects of myself that I feel are better now than what I would’ve liked or preferred before. To me the biggest one here is gender identity. As Veladynee, the old, I identified as male. I was a herm, sterile to the max, but with a masculine lean. That was just who I was. This life I had always desired to be female, being born as a male and identifying as such for a good portion of my life. I would however use feminine pronouns, but it never felt quite right. But at the same time I also felt the desire to be female, at least as far as being a human goes. This was a weird sensation, wanting to be one but at the same time desiring to be another. In the end, I voted for proceeding with a gender transition for my human side and became effectively female. However, I still identify dragon wise as male and use my masculine pronouns there. It feels right for who I used to be, but I didn’t let it dictate who I am and want to be now.
Gender and dragon issues are definitely a funny thing. I have met more than my fair share of dragonesses who were born with the wrong gender and identify as something else prior. But it was usually clear cut, it aligned with their own desires in the here and now and was strong enough for them to pursue it. Yet here I was, struggling with two conflicting identities on the subject. But I did make the right choice in the end, and in doing so learned the importance of two lives, separate but still supporting the other. We must do what makes us happy in the now, but at the same time work with what we were ,but not let it dominate every aspect of now. This life is a new life, not a continuation of the old, and we must do what makes us happy in the current. It’s a second chance in a way but also a new start and new experiences.
Veladynee and Veladynee
What is my point? Simply we are who we used to be but we are most importantly who we are now. We are human in body and in a lot of ways mind as well. But we are also dragon, or gryphon, or other creatures. This shapes our perspective but to me only enhances what we have now. It doesn’t do us justice to be misanthropic. We have a gift of having had a prior life, fulfilled or not, but still something more than many end up experiencing. But we also have a new start, or a second chance as some would see, to try things different in a new body with a new view and a new world.
The best thing we can do is still explore who we were and let it build upon who we are now, let it empower us to be successful now with a new confidence born out of knowing where we came from.