Draconic Musings

Otherkin, Art, and Spirituality, oh my

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Awakening – A Dragonkin Ramble

My Awakening

Just as a forewarning, this is more of a story about myself than providing bullet points on the process of awakening. I tried for a long while to come up with a way of describing ways to handle it, or to self learn, but in my research I discovered the entire thing was subjective. There are so many different dragons from different walks of life, not even counting other ‘kin, that have had their own unique ways of discovering themselves. So in light of that, I feel the best thing I can do is provide a personal narrative of my own thoughts, experiences, and challenges.

This will be deeply personal and about my life. If that doesn’t interest you, then stay tuned for next month! In the mean time, I hope this provides something useful for those still discovering themselves. ^^

The Early Days

I started my life as basically everyone else does: I was born and slowly became aware as a person. I can’t say I had dragon dreams or deep senses of inner self through my earliest years beyond just not quite feeling exactly the same as everyone else. As a child I was always shy and deeply introspective. I attribute much of it to the arguing and general unhappiness of my home life, which eventually became two homes through a long custody battle. After that nasty rift that tore apart my family left me in the care of one parent, I found myself in a rather unhappy emotional abusive household, which wore away at my confidence and self-esteem and had me crawl further and further into myself. This lack of self esteem only added to my feeling of isolation from most of my peers and made me more curious to explore what exactly made me different.

Some of my escapes in my younger days had always been into the realm of lizards and dinosaurs, as well as a fondness for the ocean and things within it. I focused on these almost daily, coupled with as I started to learn to read, books on the subjects. These books eventually spread to fantasy and sci-fi novels (still a favorite thing to do!) which helped fuel my imagination. Many a day I would picture myself in fantastic worlds and invent things, writing them down like crazy. I always had a fondness for non-human creatures and began to really associate my identity with things not human, probably as a form of escape, but I also had a deeper underlying feeling that I had kept ignoring. It would take me until the end of middle school to put an identity to that feeling.

The Mid Years

My feelings of being different began to manifest stronger as I started to have flashes of colors and faded little fragments of what seemed like another life towards the middle of middle school. I continued to not pay much attention to them, instead preferring to just not let them bother me and push them back. That was until one day I encountered someone who claimed to be a dragon, through memories and dreams. Now, being the generally logical individual I was, I thought it was, to put it bluntly, bullshit. I just nodded and agreed and otherwise kept to myself, until one day I had a series of intense dreams. I started to research the whole idea of being a dragon and eventually found my way to various dragon sites talking about people who had similar experiences. Now this is where my life gets complicated and I start to push back against the notion.

Instead of detailing every occurrence, I became trapped in my head, terrified of what I was or could be. I lashed out in different ways, coupled with my lack of self-esteem. Eventually I accepted that I wasn’t human, at least not in the past. But I was also human now, but at the same time had more and more memories that kept popping up. Eventually I began to meditate to unlock more about myself, including my appearance. However, not all was dandy as I started to not like what I found out and try to hide it, inventing an identity to conceal who I was because I felt I didn’t like who I really was. But that… that is a long story for next month, where I discuss the importance of accepting who you are and living two lives. ^^;

Back on topic, it took me years and years to work through the chaos in my head. I can best describe it as feeling like you are one thing, but knowing that is wrong because the world taught you it was. You can see how that could be a bit problematic, especially for someone like me with no confidence! It became natural for me to bury it, or hide behind an identity I crafted to be me, because I was afraid of expressing the real me due to a myriad of factors. They ranged from not feeling the real dragon was interesting enough to wanting to try to ‘control’ that side of me to somehow prove something. From what I can gather, a fair number of ‘kin have felt like that. It also made me over time become a little more comfortable accepting it gradually.

The Near Modern Era

Through college I struggled, still suppressing a lot of who I was and in turn not letting it fully grow to be a part of me, keeping me still isolated and trying to bury myself. I knew I was a dragon, I refused to face or become myself or let that part of me out except keeping it buried down deep. Doing so never let me be myself, and in turn it led to all manner of bad behaviors like lying to try to keep the real me hidden. Naturally in this struggle my grades also plummeted at this time. I didn’t want to let people get that close to me. The biggest tragedy wasn’t even lying to others here, but lying to myself, a hard lesson I still struggled with until very recently.

Coming to terms and finally being open and accepting of who and what I am, and what I was, helped direct me towards the path I needed to follow in order to become a complete person in this life. Many people in this life struggle with finding themselves to self-actualize with just one life, let alone two. As ‘kin with past lives or connections to something else beyond just one it is important for us to find solace in both and really, truly, explore ourselves to our fullest. Even know I admit I don’t know everything, and still have more to discover, both in my past and especially now. I suppose what I’m saying here is its okay to not know, and not to try to make up things to sate ourselves or others in order to try to patch up any holes. Try to find the right piece to put there, instead of anything to fill the gap. ^^

 

I hope my story of myself was helpful. It’s difficult for me to talk about most of this and even harder to put what I can into words. It is my hope that this story of my own awakening and the challenges I face shed some light on some people’s struggles and let them know they aren’t alone, and can overcome them! Awakening is difficult, coming to terms as a dragon, or other species, is very challenging to accept. Just remember the struggle is part of it, and don’t fight it, but try to understand. 🙂

Being Otherkin

Otherkin And You

Being Otherkin is to understand a part of yourself that usually lays dormant. It can manifest itself as past lives, deep connections to specific creatures, or other unique and fascinating ways. For me, it is a series of deep and intense memories of being a dragon, or something close to it. I identify as Veladynee, and Veladynee is me. It took me a long time to accept who I was, and in that even longer to even begin the process of understanding how it plays with me and my life. But what does that mean?

Being You

Identity is a funny thing. We spend a lot of our lives figuring out who we are, but very rarely do we let ourselves manifest as ourselves. In that I mean truly expressing or accepting each facet of our lives. This has been one of my hardest and still ongoing struggles, and this is beyond just my draconity. What does it mean to be otherkin? The same question applies to anything about ourselves, so let’s take a look at the question of “what does it mean to be me?”

Otherkin-ness is a part of us, to some like myself a significant part, but it isn’t the whole of me. I am a collection of my interests, my desires, my wants, and my independent thoughts. I am also a collection of my memories and experiences, and my memories of a past life only contribute to this. Put simply, I am myself because of everything I’ve collected and added to myself, that is what makes me.

Past life memories like mine only add to my experiences and help contribute to me figuring out who I am, or desire to be known as based on what I’ve collected and feel is right. For me, being a dragon feels right based on everything I know; or have known in the past. Often, we also struggle in accepting those parts of us that we feel others would question; or worry that if we don’t fit some mythical perfect mold we’ll never be liked. The truth is more complicated, and often far from what those worries tell us.

Since I started to accept who I am it has caused friction, mostly due to the fact I haven’t fully settled or figured out a lot of who I am due to repressing it for so long. But, the bits of me that are truly me that I express have led to a great many people accepting and finding joy in me. Now, this doesn’t mean I go around screaming “I’m a dragon!” at the top of my lungs; but knowing that bit of my past has led me to discover things I enjoy in this life and experiences I can relive and share with others, whether they know some of it is dragon related or not.

Accepting Yourself

Identifying is one thing, accepting is another. Many ‘kin have struggled with accepting their identities, both before and after understanding what they are experiencing. I am no exception! I struggled with accepting the real me for a long time, wanting to hide it because I felt unsure how people would receive me if I showed off myself. This struggle can be simply due to embarrassment or other issues, some of which can be ingrained in us via experiences this life. I’ve frequently seen many kin try to bury their identities deeply which, more often than not, causes more issues with the most notable being an increased sense of isolation from others around them.

As dragons, or other species, we often do think and process things differently in our heads, holdovers from a prior life or connection. But at the end of the day, we do also think like and have attributes of what we are now: human. Humans have an innate need to self-actualize to be happy which includes, in many but not all, fulfilling the need to be social or have a group we can express ourselves with. One personal experience here is I used to be closed off about myself and would be isolated, even when having friends surrounding me and actively doing things. I focused purely on my dragon traits and needs from a prior life without addressing what I needed to in this one and it led to a state of general unpleasantness, reflected in both myself and to others. It is a harsh lesson to learn, and one I aim with this post to help guide others.

Living As Yourself

It is key to remember that a prior life was just that: a prior life. Living ones life now requires understanding who we were and where we came from, and looking for what we can apply to this one. This can come in the form of hobbies, ways of looking at the world, or even just things as simple as ways we used to relax. For me, I have taken the same hobby before of rock collecting and enjoying being near the shore. Due to my nature, I am also thinking of learning how to go diving. But at the same time I have made changes in this life that in some ways contradict who I used to be because they make me happy now. It is learning to work with our past life that we can truly move forward and be happy in this one, and beyond! ^^

As for my contradictions and deeper thoughts on my own path to discovering of who I was, I’ll dedicate an entire post on that! ^^

The Mad Ramblings of a Sea Dragon!

A Second Header!

Forgive me, I’ve never used one of these before so its a new exciting time for all of us. ^^;

Who am I?

My name is Veladynee, or Vela for short! I’ve been dealing with trying to figure out both who I am, and who I was, for many years at this point. Hell, I’ve still got a long ways to go on that journey, both sides of it, and I’m almost 28 years into the whole mess of life!

As for a bit of an idea on /who/ I was, or in a way still am . . .

shadnoise_vela_web

Done by Shad_noise on FA! Check them out ^^

I’m a blue sea dragon from who knows when or where! I’ve never been able to quite figure that out, and that’s okay. One of the most important realizations about ‘kin stuff is you won’t know everything. In fact, you probably won’t know most things, and that is okay!

Discovery is something that we will be doing through our whole lives. Just remember, it is important to admit to yourself you don’t know something, instead of inventing something to fill that void! Not knowing is honest, and that lets us be ourselves!

So what’s this blog about?

This blog will be mainly focused on my own personal experiences relating to Otherkin, from general thoughts to more specifics about what I’ve learned over time. My goal is to explain my experiences and in turn hopefully help guide those who are unsure or still discovering themselves on the right path to learning!

Learning who you are, or in my case were, is an important part of self-identifying. It is my personal opinion that the more we share about our own journeys, the more tools we can give to those just starting down their own path.

 

I hope this blog is useful to those who stumble upon it, and I’ll be updating it with content as I think of it. ^^